Is it good or bad?

I try to think good things about saying goodbye but I don't think saying goodbye is a good thing at all. It's like someone is ripping your heart out and stabbing it with a knife over and over again. No matter who it is with it always hurts. It hurts because you don't know if that was going to be the last times you ever talk to them again. There isn't anything good about saying goodbye. Nobody will understand what this means but I do!

I have feelings to!

I am done trusting anybody! The only one I actually did trust back stabbed me like everybody else has. Don't tell me your my friend if your not going to back stab me. I want to be treated like a human being not someone that people think they can use me or hurt me in the end. I don't get how hard it is to realize that I have feelings to. People think that I am this person who can take anything and that I am never affected but that isn't true at all. I am affected by everything people do to me no matter what it is. When people say they actually care and that they aren't going to hurt me like everybody else, I'm not going to just trust what you say until I know for sure. I never understand why people don't believe that I don't have feelings. I am just like you, I feel everything you do. I am just a girl that wants to be loved and cared about thats it. I want friends that I can actually call friends. I want a boyfriend that wants to spend time with me. I want a mom that I can actually says she cares. I want people to realize that I have feelings and I'm not a person who can they walk all over.

I'm Sorry!!

Have you ever been so scared of something that you don't want to explain it because you know you messed up. When you did something so bad that you can never take it back no matter how hard you try. Its eating at your body and you can't stop it. All you think is how can I mess up that bad. The fact that you can never take it back or say sorry to make it all better. Its eating at you and all you can do is be scared of it. Everybody makes comments about your weight but don't understand why. They make comments about how you look different but they never ask what is wrong. You want someone to tell you its going to be okay and that it will work out in the end but you know its either going to keep eating at you or just go away. When you want to believe its just going to go away but you know its not going to. The pain hurts and I know it won't go away. I messed up and I just want to take it back and say sorry. I'm not blaming anybody I just want it to go away!

Your not alone!

Nobody said life was easy. Everybody's life is different, yea someone probably has been through some of the same things that you have been through. It's hard to think that your not alone because it really does feel your alone and no one understands. Just because everybody doesn't understand doesn't mean that no one understands. For the longest time I thought I was the only one who felt sad, angry, and cried after I got raped and molested. When I got help that is when I understood that I wasn't alone. I glad I wasn't alone. I have been through a lot and it took me a long time to realize that I wasn't alone. I am here for everybody else but myself but that is how I handle my feelings and thoughts. Just remember that your not alone!

Do you?

Have you ever had that feeling that you didn't want to be here and it would be easier for everybody around you if you weren't here. I get that feeling  and thought all the time. I have messed up a lot and I honestly do think that sometimes it would be easier to just be dead. I told my cousin the other day that I deserve to die and that I am a horrible person. She told me that everybody deserves to live and just because we make mistakes doesn't mean that you deserve to die. I honestly do think that I deserve to die especially after what I did. It is hard to get through that thinking but you have to remember that there are people that love you and care about you and it would hurt them if you would die. I think all the time that no one cares about me and no one would care if I wasn't here but there are people you love and care about me. If I didn't have the people in my life right now I know for a fact I wouldn't be here today. I am glad I have people in my life that love me and care about me!