ANNOYING!

Don't people see that I am annoyed and I want to be left alone? I see it when other people are annoyed and don't want to be around anybody! I just want to be left alone and do what I can to get through my day. I want to scream at them but I know its not the right thing to do. I don't care if some people are around me but certain ones I don't want them around me just because they say things that piss me off!! I know there are people that your not going to like in life but I don't understand why they have to talk to me. Don't they get it when I walk away when they are talking to me or when I talk to someone else when they start talking to me. I don't want to be a bitch and say you need to shut up and stop talking to me. It is just getting really annoying! I want to freak out on some people. I hate it when people know they annoy you but keep coming around u or keep trying to talk to u! I am trying to be the nicest person I can be but it is getting really hard! I just want to be left alone and I know my nonverbals tell them that!

lost

I try really hard just to be myself and not the person who everybody wants me to be. I try hard not to do things that I don't like to do or don't want to do. Lately I have been doing things that I don't like to do. I want to say no  but I am afraid he won't want me around anymore or even want anything to do with me. I know that sounds really bad and I know that if he really cares about me he would accept my decision, but I don't want to try. I don't want to say no because I am scared of losing him. I know that sounds pathetic but its the truth. I really don't want to lose him. I just don't know what to do!

I still love you!

I don't get why she can't be a mom. I could be the president and she wouldn't even care. I thought a mom was supposed to be there for there children whenever no matter what it is. It's irratating knowing that I can't call her and just talk to her about my day and how shitty it was. I don't even know who to blame me or her. I know I have messed up and I have made a lot of mistakes but i'm not perfect and thats what she wants me to be. She wont even talk to me unless it deals with something that can make her look like a bad mom. I just want to be loved and cared about by my mom, and she wont. It hurts because I know when she is sick or in trouble I will be the one taking care of her. The other kids wont, they will be to busy with themselves to even think twice to help her. I am trying my hardest to be understanding and just thinking that she is going through a hard time and she wants to be left alone.
 People tell me all the time that when I get older we will grow closer but I just tell them that it has been almost 8 years now and its not going to get better. I refuse to give up on my mom, and no matter what she does I will always keep trying to be bettter just for her. Just so she can see that I wasn't a mistake, and that I am a good person. I will keep trying no matter what she does because I am not the kind of person just to give up. Its been almost 8 years and I haven't given up yet why would I start?