"My Mom"

No matter what I do its never good enough for her! I could be dead and it still would be my fault if my sister or brother would get into trouble. I could be the richest person in this world and be a huge success, it still wouldn't be good enough. I don't get why I can't be good enough for her. Either I don't look good or I am hanging out with the wrong people. I will never be good enough for her. I know I have to deal with the fact that I will never be good enough for my mom. I just wish I could have "My Mom" back!

I am back

I havent't felt this safe in a long time! I don't have to pretend to be someone else. I haven't smiled this much in a long time. For the longest time I thought I didn't deserve to be happy but I do. I miss being this happy. It feels good to be back to myself again. I never realized how unhappy I was until now. I always hid who I was so people couldn't hurt me. I'm still carefull of who I let in but I let a lot more people in. People say that I have always been a happy person but I really haven't. I always had to be someone else. I thought no one would like me for who I actually was. I am glad that I have friends and a boyfriend that accepts me for who I am. People ask me all the time why I hang out with the people I do and all I say is that they accept me for who I am and they don't sit there and judge me for what I do or what I have done. I am happy with my life right now! I am back!

Goodbye

Where do we go from here? I truly don't know how to feel. You hurt me more than you have ever hurt me before! It's like you stabbed my heart over and over again. I know I should have listened to everybody when they told me that you wouldn't stop hurting me. Well that was the last stab to my heart from you! I am done with being hurt by you! I can't take it anymore! I don't want to be with you. I want to be with Teddy Bear. You need to get over it! I am strong enough to say goodbye this time! I know I wasn't before but I am now!! Goodbye!

Teddy Bear

I am really confused! I don't know what to do! When Teddy Bear and I broke up we both moved on. I thought my feeling were gone for him but when I saw him my heart melted! All the other people I was talking to went out of my head. He was sitting in my backseat and I kept driving. I don't think he noticed me looking at him through my mirror. I don't think he saw me smiling when he got in my car. When I had to leave to go home and I hugged him goodbye I didn't want to let him go! I wanted to tell him I'm sorry and that I am not the same person I was when we dated before. The words didn't come out and I started to walk away. I'm glad he forgot his phone in my car because when he was getting ready to walk away I hugged him and I told him I didn't want to let go. We talked for a little bit and then he kissed me. By then I really didn't want to leave or let go of him. He told me that he didn't want me to leave and I didn't for awhile. It felt good to be in his arms again. I haven't felt that safe in a long time. I stop talking to Kmart because he would try to ruin what Teddy Bear and I were trying to work out. I don't want to lose him again because of me. I want this to work out and I am going to actually try this time!

Trust no one

Sometimes I feel that I am trapped and I can't get out. I hate this feeling so much. I don't know who I can trust or who is going to hurt me if I get close. I am scared to let people in because I have been hurt to many times. I always try to think positive when I let someone in but it always ends up the same way. I try not think that everybody is going to hurt me but it's really hard because no matter who they are they always hurt me. Then I think that I don't deserve better. People tell me all the time that I deserve better and one day I will find someone who doesn't hurt me but I wont believe them until it happens. I have been hurt to many times to believe what people say.