I hate that I love you

I am done letting people in so they can hurt me. I asked him one question and he took it as a joke. My feelings are not funny. I am a human too. I might not make it look like I care but I do more than you know. I am starting to think that I am putting more into our relationship than you are. I know what you tell people that the only reason why we are together is because I couldnt handle being friends with benefits, but thats not even close to it. I couldnt be that because I actually am in the love with you. Today and right now I am regretting that I even met you. All I want to do is punch you in the face because you don't care about me and  it showed. All I want to do is scream at you as loud as I can. I hate that I love you. I hate that I care so much  to the point that all I have to do is look at you to change my mind that I am mad at you. All you have to do is touch me to make me smile and not feel mad or sad. I only wish I can tell you all this.

Giving up

Giving up

It's the wall you run into when you are stuck.

It's the punch your waiting for but it torches you until it happens.

When you get everything shoved in your face that is bad when all you want to hear is good.

You just don't know what to do or how to get up.

Trust me you're not alone! I can promise you that.

Don't give up so easily!

How it Started

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LjhCEhWiKXk&ob=av2e

Sometimes I think that it is weird how Murphy and I got together. I was with my ex and some old friends at the bowling alley and him and his friends were there too. It was weird hanging out with them at first because one of his friends were my other ex from a couple years ago and I have liked Murphy since I was a sophmore and I am a senior now. Anyways while they were all bowling a song came on by Bruno Mars called Just The Way You Are, and I love that song. Well my ex was up to bowl and Murphy came back to talk to me and the song was still on and he was singing and also looking at me and all I could do is smile but make sure my ex didn't think that I was flirting. We left because we were going to stay at the hotel in another town and Murphy and his friends stayed at the bowling alley. I already had Murphy number so I text him. It was weird at first just because I didn't think he even liked me. We talked for most of the night and we both admitted that we liked each other.  At the hotel me and my boyfriend got into a fight and he has hit me before so I didn't want to get hit again so I just laid down in the bed and started texting Murphy again. I told him that I was scared to even be around my boyfriend just because he hits me whenever he gets mad at me. So Murphy and Tony came and got me. I stayed at Murphy's house that night and he made me so happy. When we were texting earlier we were talking about him asking me out on Monday but then I asked him if he was still going to wait til Monday. That is how we started dating. I am very happy with him!

He is the one!

I never realized how happy I am until this morning. I love waking up next to him every morning. Its like nothing in the world matters. He doesn't care what my hair looks like or if my makeup looks okay. When I am with him nothing else in the world matters.Every time he tells me that he loves me all I get is butterflies and that tingle in my body. This summer will be 3 years that I have loved him. I don't look at any other guy the way I look at him! He makes me feel like I am wanted and that I am worth something. I'm don't only love him, I am in love with him!

LEAVE ME ALONE!

I am very irratated because there is this guy "Player" who I go to school with and he hits on me only when I am around Murphy. Just because Player doesn't like Murphy and he knows it pisses him off. I am getting really tired of it because I don't like player at all. He thinks he is better than everybody and he isn't. When Murphy is gone he makes comments and stares at me knowing that I am going to tell Murphy. I tell Murphy everything no matter what it is. I don't keep anything from him. I just want to flip out on Player! I am so tired of the bullshit with him its not even funny. He thinks he is so funny and I don't find it funny at all. It just gets so annoying after awhile. I just want to pound his face in and get it through his fat head that he just needs to stop doing it because no one else finds it funny. He thinks he is so hot and he's not. I'm tired of it so just leave me and my boyfriend alone!

ANNOYING!

Don't people see that I am annoyed and I want to be left alone? I see it when other people are annoyed and don't want to be around anybody! I just want to be left alone and do what I can to get through my day. I want to scream at them but I know its not the right thing to do. I don't care if some people are around me but certain ones I don't want them around me just because they say things that piss me off!! I know there are people that your not going to like in life but I don't understand why they have to talk to me. Don't they get it when I walk away when they are talking to me or when I talk to someone else when they start talking to me. I don't want to be a bitch and say you need to shut up and stop talking to me. It is just getting really annoying! I want to freak out on some people. I hate it when people know they annoy you but keep coming around u or keep trying to talk to u! I am trying to be the nicest person I can be but it is getting really hard! I just want to be left alone and I know my nonverbals tell them that!

lost

I try really hard just to be myself and not the person who everybody wants me to be. I try hard not to do things that I don't like to do or don't want to do. Lately I have been doing things that I don't like to do. I want to say no  but I am afraid he won't want me around anymore or even want anything to do with me. I know that sounds really bad and I know that if he really cares about me he would accept my decision, but I don't want to try. I don't want to say no because I am scared of losing him. I know that sounds pathetic but its the truth. I really don't want to lose him. I just don't know what to do!